August 2011
82 posts
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“A court official said, “Ron has to clear outstanding traffic...”
– That’s from an LA Times report stating that Lakers forward Ron Artest is not legally allowed to change his name to Metta World Peace just yet. After all, perhaps Artest was changing his name not because he wants world peace, but because he was finding a sneaky way to avoid paying his parking...
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If Your Mom Isn’t Embarrassing You On Facebook Yet, She Will Be. A new study from the Pew Center (is there anything they DON’T study?) found social network use among baby boomers has increased 60% in the past year alone. I expect a corresponding 60% decrease from people aged 20-35, who will delete their Facebook account the second their mom posts a “we’re concerned about...
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Your Hurricapocalypse Sextuple Feature. A hurricane is coming. You’re going to be trapped inside. You’re going to need something to do. You’re going to need movies to watch until the power goes out and you’re forced to huddle in the basement and eat all the canned herring. Why not try these soothing features? • “White Squall”
• “Hard Rain”
...
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“You know what else a hurricane could be good for? Hurricane make-outs....”
– The Village Voice has five simple ways for you find someone to hook up with during Hurricapocalypse 2011. But they left out the best way of all: HOARDING. If you hoard all the candles and water and beef broth and flashlights, then people will be forced to hook up with you just to survive. LOVE...
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“Yes, we will be doing the movie and hopefully with Mr. Murray,” he says, “That...”
– That’s Dan Aykroyd, again telling everyone that “Ghostbusters 3” is going to start shooting, like, right away in a thinly-veiled attempt to get Bill Murray to finally agree to join the project. And all this dillydallying by Aykroyd just proves that Murray really IS bigger than...
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Additions Needed To The Hurricane Irene Playlist. Our colleagues at NBC New York came up with this playlist of songs for your weekend facing Hurricane Irene, but there are many glaring omissions, particularly when it comes to tracks by the Scorpions.
• “Rock You Like A Hurricane,” Scorpions
• “Over the Edge,” Hurricane
• “The Storm,” Doves
• “Hurricane...
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WatchIt’s A Teaser For The “Hunger Games” Teaser! Here is four microseconds of Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss in “The Hunger Games”, the full teaser of which will be shown Sunday night on MTV. Yes, that’s right, it’s a teaser of a teaser. Someone took the “hunger” in the title quite literally. It’s like an amuse bouche of Katnissness. -DM ...
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“Our Idiot Brother wants to be an of-the-moment indie comedy version of a family...”
– That’s Will Leitch panning yet another disappointing offering from Hollywood this coming weekend. He even calls star Paul Rudd a “throw pillow,” which I think Rudd might actually consider something of a compliment, given his cheery demeanor. Perhaps Rudd’s amiable...
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“Know this much about Ryan Gosling: Man loves candy. He speaks of it the way rich...”
– That’s from Esquire magazine’s new profile of the gifted actor Ryan Gosling, and while I admire a man who appreciates the quality of a good bag of Haribo (it is the BEST), I must call into question the maturity of a young man who limits his palate strictly to non-chocolate items. -DM ...
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“She’s not as approachable as the others. She’s really serious about...”
– That’s one-time Bobby Draper Jared Gilmore, who said the above in reference to his former colleague on “Mad Men,” the oft-maligned January Jones. And I’ll be curious to see how much of Miss Serious we get from Season 5 of the show, with Don marrying someone new and Betty...
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“I think we can safely assume that one of them will be the new all-digital Yoda...”
– That’s from the folks at Digital Bits who report that George Lucas is again tinkering with the Star Wars movies, this time in advance of their Blu Ray debut. And he can change “The Phantom Manace” all he likes because it was terrible. But if he tosses a digital Jar Jar into...
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Holy Earthquake. I was downstairs and I heard a rumbling upstairs and I was all ready to yell at my kids for stomping on my floor when my wife, who was up there with them, was like, “What was that?”, which caused me to realize EARTHQUAKE, and then stuff really began to shake. You West Coasters may be inured to this sort of thing, but I’d prefer it if that never ever happens...
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A-Rod Gambling Again OMG! In the midst of being investigated by Major League Baseball for participating in illegal underground poker games, Alex Rodriguez was reportedly seen at the whale tables at Mohegan Sun. And leave it to A-Rod to be unable to resist being part of a trend that otherwise died out five years ago. I can’t wait to see his new Friendster page. -DM [Ben Kabak]
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“Wallace isn’t responsible for his imitators, much less for the stylized mess...”
– That’s New York Times writer Maud Newton arguing that the late David Foster Wallace may have unwittingly inspired some of the blogosphere’s worst tendencies. And she didn’t even touch on the whole footnotes business. Like, I really kinda sorta can’t stand them, even though I...
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“Even when I was taking my first math class, I started getting calls from friends...”
– That’s former GNR and Velvet Revolver bassist Duff McKagan talking about starting a wealth management firm dedicated to managing the money of fellow musicians. And unlike, say, Lenny Dykstra, McKagan has attended business school and has the reputation of being a decent person. So I’ll...
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Watch“How Are There Not, Like, Fifty Murders Every Day at Disneyland?” Here is the brlliant Louis CK going on “Conan” last night and tossing off brilliant truths about the human condition. And don’t call it “material.” “Material” suggests there’s some kind of disingenuousness to it. No, what you’re watching here is a brilliant man at...
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“90 percent of people in their studies don’t know how to use CTRL/Command +...”
– That’s according to a search anthropologist at Google. What does “Control F” do? Let me Google that for you. What’s Google? Oh man, you people really are hopeless. Don’t tell you’re reading this post on Internet Explorer. -DM [The Atlantic]
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“The bug, for its part, “does not wish to live in us,” says...”
– Remember that brain-eating amoeba we told you about earlier this week? Well turns out it probably WON’T eat your brain. Apparently it only eats brains if it HAS to, which is comforting, or if you swim in stagnant waters or do a cannonball. I guess I won’t be staging my annual high...
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‘Cyberbullying’ Now An Official Word. So is ‘retweet’ and ‘sexting’ (thanks, Anthony Weiner?) The Concise Oxford English Dictionary has added 400 new entries of slang into it’s big list of words. They include the above, as well as:
Mankini
Jeggings
OMG
I look forward to the future, when nobody ever makes any sense.
-KH
[TIME, the20newyork]
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What Do Jello Pops, the McRib, And Bill Nye Have In Common? They were all featured in the #iwishtheywouldbringback Twitter trending topic, the perfect salve for our nostalgia-adoring culture. Allow me to add the following to that list. • PB Max
• “It’s Your Move”
• Hendrix
• The “SI Presents” NFL preview
-DM [Buzzfeed]
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“I get so many of them. I like ‘Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.’...”
– That’s actor John Goodman talking with Vulture about the quotes he gets from “Big Lebowski” fans. (See footage of the movie’s cast reunion here.) Goodman likes the more obscure quotes, as do I. Like these: • “Well, there isn’t a literal connection, Dude.”...
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“Gwyneth Paltrow Saved a Life on Sept. 11” That’s a real headline from the website of People magazine. And how did Paltrow save this life, you might ask? Ah well, she nearly hit a jaywalker with her Mercedes, and the ensuing incident caused the jaywalker to miss her train to work in the World Trade Center that would have gotten her there before the plane’s hit. If only...
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"Best Sitcom Theme Songs In History" List... →
Michael Musto did a list of the best sitcom theme songs in history, and apparently Michael Musto has never watched TV because he missed the following entries:
“Cheers”
“Diff’rent Strokes”
“It’s Garry Shandling’s Show”
“Growing Pains”
“Family Ties”
“The Facts of Life”
“Friends”
“The...
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“The Onion’s prevalence over real news outlets on Twitter, even when it comes to...”
– The folks at Mashable have done a brief exploration into why The Onion has amassed a much larger following on Twitter than several legitimate news outlets. And I imagine the number one reason why is because all you need from The Onion is the headline. It’s much less stressful than having to...
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“The amoeba typically enters a swimmer’s nose and invades the brain causing...”
– Holy smokes, did you know there are amoebas in the ocean that will eat your brain? This Yahoo report about the death of a 16-year-old girl in Florida confirms it. And I kind of wish news like this was censored from publication, because what do you do with it except sit there wondering if the next...
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“We have therefore offered a substantial payment to Michael ‘The...”
– As if it wasn’t bad enough that “Jersey Shore” cast members are paid good money to tour the world, now Abercrombie & Fitch is offering The Situation money to NOT wear their clothing and do further damage to the store’s already questionable brand image. Meanwhile, you got...
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“Lindsay Lohan, Jesse Metcalfe and Steve Carell are reputed fans, as is Katherine...”
– That’s from the New York Post’s recent trend-spotting piece about e-cigarettes, electronic cigarettes that deliver nicotine without actual smoke. And what a trend! If such widely admired people as Lindsay Lohan, Katherine Heigl, and the dude from the Tucker Max movie are doing it, why...
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“Four new University of Buffalo studies have found that when a lady wants to be...”
– That’s from this post from Jen Doll at the Village Voice, and the key word there is “considered,” because it means that this is merely a perception some women have, and not necessarily an accurate one. So hold off on worrying that you have to twirl your hair and snap your gum more...
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“That’s weird……I just got an email from Kanye West.”
– That’s Suns point guard Steve Nash in a tweet that got called out by Harris Wittels of Grantland in his monthly Humblebrag roundup. And while Wittels is doing the Lord’s work singling out self-absorbed Twitter braggarts, I’d love to see the man get a crack at all the humble...
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“The musical performances, taken from a recent concert at the IZOD Center in East...”
– Warming Glow writer and confessed “Glee” watcher (but not full-on Gleek) Josh Kurp sat through three consecutive showings of the “Glee” movie yesterday, and he left the experience with some pretty harsh words for showrunner Ryan Murphy, and it’s easy to see why. Ryan...
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No Johnny Depp As Tonto For You. Disney just pulled the plug on a $250 million remake of “The Lone Ranger” because apparently even the presence of Johnny Depp can’t stop people from saying, “Wait, you wanna spend $250 million on the freakin’ Lone Ranger?” Now all they need to do is cancel Willow Smith’s “Annie” remake, and Hollywood may...
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“Don’t: Unless you are a family of four, and plan to travel under an...”
– That’s Village Voice writer Jen Doll outlining one of many rules for using an umbrella in New York City, and as someone who has been firmly anti-umbrella his whole life, I applaud these rules. Bumping into someone with your stupid golf umbrella and spilling five gallons of runoff onto them...
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“I was born inside the movie of my life. The visuals were before me, the audio...”
– Those are the first three sentences of “Life Itself,” Roger Ebert’s upcoming memoir. Ebert posted the opening to the book at his blog, and while some of it reads like he’s been reading too much Twitter poetry, the man has been a writing machine since recovering from cancer,...
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“Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that...”
– That’s a statement from the Sesame Workshop in response to people demanding that Bert and Ernie get married. And I love the argument they made, which was a good one: THEY’RE PUPPETS, YOU IDIOTS. OPEN YOUR FREAKIN’ EYES. You can just tell how fed up they are with the whole thing. ...
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“Everything is in another language. You’re reading and it’s, like, different...”
– That’s Deena from “Jersey Shore” complaining about hanging out in Italy, for which the cast of the show were handsomely paid, I might add. And combine this with the fact that contestants on “The Bachelor” get to fly around the world for free, and it’s clear...
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“When you interviewed Lane during the late nineties, he would talk about “Cherry...”
– That’s Chuck Klosterman eulogizing former Warrant frontman Jani Lane, who died today at age 47 from yet-unknown causes. I saw Warrant open for Poison back in 1990. It was one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to, but I’m usually too embarrassed to tell people that. And you...
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“That state of deprivation though is, of course, the condition that many of those...”
– That’s British comedian Russell Brand in a thoughtful op-ed about the causes behind the current rioting going on in London. Am I wrong, or is Brand far more entertaining as a writer than he is as a performer? Between this and his Amy Winehouse tribute, I kind of hope he never makes a movie or...
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Happy Happy Joy Joy! 'Ren & Stimpy' is 20!!! →
So start decorating your house with disposable diapers! And remember to stuff dad’s rubber boots with cole slaw! And pay tribute to a show so blindingly brilliant upon its inception that it later exploded into mediocrity not once, but TWICE. It was the Guns ‘N Roses of cartoons.
-DM
[aoltv]
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“This world often seems bereft of inherent meaning (though several of the movies...”
– That’s Slate writer David Haglund, who watched the entire Coen Brothers filmography, finding the above common theme, which is as good a distillation of the directors’ work as you’ll find. If the Coen brothers’ movies feel cold at times, that’s because the WORLD is...
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“Is our pastime so past, its vision so backward, that, with his team lacking its...”
– That’s Grantland writer Peter Richmond lamenting the depressing nature of Citifield, along with virtually every other new American stadium. Richmond argues that most of these stadia are designed with revenue in mind and very little else. And it’s a shame, when you spend a billion...
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Watch“You’re Like A Cartographer Of The Female Form.” Most celebrity comic web shorts are dreadful, but this John Stamos Guide To Cuddling (featuring Bob Saget as the demonstration model) is actually pretty darn funny. And as a bonus, some of the cuddling techniques demonstrated are actually quite helpful. Saget will adore it when you “s’touch” him like that. -DM...
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“We go to spots that I personally think are cool and fun for all budgets. In...”
– That’s chef and TV host Anthony Bourdain explaining his brand new Travel Channel show “The Layover.” I already think his “No Reservations” is one of the best shows on TV, so the idea that Bourdain will get yet another show can only be good news for TV fans. So long as...
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“I’m not arguing that Hubert Keller is responsible for the worst restaurant...”
– That’s Slate writer Farhad Manjoo lamenting the terribleness of restaurant websites, sites that seemingly go out of their way to prevent you from viewing menus, making reservations, and getting proper directions. But if you think restaurant websites are awful, they’re amateur hour...