That’s bad news for frontrunner Natalie Portman, who’s pregnant and engaged. Of course, that implies that having a spouse is more important than winning an Oscar, which is so not true. I’d happily trade in a loved one for an Oscar, even one in the tech categories. Somewhere out there, Chad Lowe is nodding his head vigorously. Times may change, but male pride never does.
That’s The New York Times summarizing the gist of the Federal Government’s newly revised dietary guidelines, which urge Americans to consume less salt and sugary drinks. The report also suggests, “choosing fat-free and low-fat dairy products.” As someone who has struggled with weight problems his whole life, I strongly disagree on that point. People who eat lower fat products always end up assuming they can eat more of them, causing them to consume far more calories. That’s why the low-fat craze died in the 1990’s. Take it from me: Eating less is easier when you eat well. Pass the crème fraiche, people.
“Fathers transmit their smoking habits to a statistically significant level to their sons, and the same is true of mothers and daughters. However, if a mother smokes it does not seem to impact on the probability of her son smoking, and similarly a father that smokes does not affect his daughter.”—
Co-author of a USC study. Scientific evidence that Betty Draper should have just blamed herself when she caught Sally smoking in the bathroom.
I approve of the idea. I have two kids, and the only way I know to keep them from swearing is A) Not to swear, B) Not to make a production of it if they do swear, because then they’ll know the word has power. But one day they’ll go to high school and those techniques will be utterly useless. So, fining the little deviants works for me. Being fined six hundy stings more than any hickory switch.
“The Ford Motor Company said on Friday that it earned $6.6 billion in 2010, its largest profit in 11 years.”—That’s from a report in the New York Times this morning. Over 40,000 of the company’s workers will receive profit sharing checks in excess of $5,000 thanks to those earnings. I know rooting for a company isn’t exactly a rational thing to do these daysb But this is an American company that makes real, tangible objects and gives Americans good jobs. This is good. This is very, very… oh, their fourth quarter earnings were below Wall Street’s target? Never mind. Your company isn’t worth much to me if you can’t hit an arbitrary earnings number thrown out by some idiot at Goldman.
“By the way, I have a Corvette— a ‘67 Corvette— not a Trans-Am.”—That’s Vice President Joe Biden expressing his one quibble with The Onion’s depiction of him as a Trans Am driving nutjob. And it’s true. Biden does indeed own a Corvette that his father gave him as a wedding gift. Presumably along with two tickets to a Bachman-Turner Overdrive concert. I like a politician who both laughs at his own mockery and manages to live up to it simultaneously.
Reflecting on Challenger, 25 Years Later I was sitting around in 4th grade in Orono, Minnesota when the teachers had us all gather in the school library to watch the news footage of the Challenger disaster. And I remember the teachers trying to impress on us just how tragic this event was, but we were just a bunch of stupid kids. We oohed and ahhed and even laughed nervously because we didn’t really understand the gravity of what was happening. Kids are built to be blissfully ignorant like that. It isn’t until you get much older that you understand the devastating scope of a tragedy like the Challenger explosion. It’s a sadness that lingers in the air and expands, like the smoke from a burning rocket. RIP.
“Most sports fans tend to be guys, and guys have big egos, and we sit around and talk about sports and brag about how much we know about our teams, and we’re constantly telling each other what we know is going to happen next.”—
That’s Chip Overstreet (I swear that’s his real name), the CEO of Thump, explaining why he invented a new social network game that allows players to try and accurately predict the next play of a sporting event. Oh wonderful, just what I need. Now when some Pats fan at the bar says the next play will be a draw, he’ll have digital VALIDATION. This is the opposite of progress, America. I want people like this to be LESS obxnoxious, not more unbearably so.
Sure. Long pregame show about how these two teams do things the right ways, overblown commercials, a little football, more overblown commercials, joe buck scolding something america loves, a few touchdowns, halftime show that makes music lovers wince, commercials, troy aikman taking an hour to make an obvious point, an interception, troy polamalu praise, commercials, a field goal, coach screws up a challenge, commercials, joe buck undersells crucial play of the game as if he’s ordering grilled salmon for lunch, fin.
Oh, you meant after the actual game. That works too.
“I noticed that in this month’s issue, there’s a small feature done by Drew Magary…and then, Drew is mentioned in a different context in his contributions to Deadspin in the larger profile about Deadspin and AJ Daulerio. Is it me, or is that unusual that the two should occur in the same issue?”—That’s someone asking GQ’s Tumblrnoticing about the rare instance of someone being both a contributor and a subject within a single magazine issue. That someone was me, which means I am now writing about someone else writing about me writing in a magazine that also features writing about my writing. That’s the Internet for you. It allows you to go much farther up your own backside than old media ever could have. I feel like James Franco at this year’s Oscars.
“My fear is that something like this fuels the 1950s idea that pregnant women are incapable and disabled.”—
Amy Graff, in the San Francisco Chronicle.
theweekmagazine gives us some background. In the piece, [Grant] “expresses her concerns over a NYC proposal that would grant special parking placards to pregnant women with medical approval, letting them park for free in no-parking or no-standing zones until 30 days after their due dates. Many women cheered the news, saying it would make life easier for those who, on doctors’ orders, should be avoiding physical exertion. But critics of the plan say it will complicate already messy local parking laws, and even fuel discrimination against expectant mothers.”
“There is nothing about the actions of a madman to change the fact that firearms have been used throughout our history to defend American values and traditions.”—
Utah state representative Carl Wimmer (R) explaining why he favors his state making the Browning M1911 semiautomatic pistol as the official state gun. Presumably, you could then use the state gun to go out and kill the state bird. Listen, I like firing guns at stuff as much as the rest of us. But there’s a difference between liking guns and worshipping the things. I keep waiting for a Church of the Gun to spring up somewhere in this country. The pews will all be bunkers and you’ll be allowed to shoot at the altar.
“Event by Wire, a competitor in Half Moon Bay, Calif., watched the number of funeral homes live-streaming services jump to 300 from 80”—That’s from a report by the New York Times chronicling the recent surge in funerals and memorial services being streamed online. Because really, what better way to pay your respects to the deceased than by flaking out on showing up in person and sporadically watching other people mourn in between bouts of playing with your new Kinect? I already know where this is going. Forty years from now, I’m gonna die, and my family will check out my wake on their watches for five seconds, say “meh,” and then go back to watching the twelfth reboot of “Spiderman.” I do not like where the world is heading. -DM
“You seem to forget that I have three sons who played at Greenwich High School.”—
That’s UConn donor Robert Burton, who also works as a hedge fund manager and is clearly a horrible human being, telling UConn athletic director Jeff Hathaway that he wants back $3 million he donated to the school because they failed to consult him when hiring a new football coach. Read the letter here. It’s not boosterism I object to, it’s quotes like, “I know more about football coaches than the majority of athletic directors in America.” You know what then, Robert? BE AN ATHLETIC DIRECTOR. People from Greenwich are evil.
“Facebook won’t release data about Places, but CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced in early November that it was, only three months after launching, “the largest social networking location service in the world.” In late October, Business Insider reported that about 30 million people had tried Places in its first two months, or five times the number of users Foursquare has after nearly two years.”—
Nicholas Jackson in response to a recent infographic on Foursquare’s 2010 growth. Jackson’s post comes just days after Foursquare’s co-founder told Bloomberg that the New York start-up is valued at more than $250 million and will probably have more than 10M users by June (a number that’s less impressive when you consider that leaves them at least 20M behind Facebook Places). (link via soupsoup)
The Daily Beast waded through the cumulative scores of national standardized testing and found that Massachusetts had more advanced-level fourth and eighth grade kids than any other state. And three of the top five performing states were in New England. Coming in last? Mizzissippee. I think that’s how it’s spelled. I grew up there. Anyway, if you want a smart kid, buy her a pink Red Sox hat and a DVD of “Good Will Hunting” and she’ll be spitting out calculus proofs in no time.
In Case the Razzie Nominations Wasn’t Enough “Sex and the City”-Related News for You Today You know how everyone hated “Sex and the City 2” because it depicted four horribly spoiled women who complained about their lives even as they wasted impossible amounts of money? Yeah well, one Long Island businessman didn’t get the memo, because he built his wife a $175,000 SATC-themed walk-in closet. The closet holds more than 400 pairs of designer shoes, which probably cost more than $80,000 on their own. Meanwhile, you ate lunch out of a can today. People who like “Sex and the City” are horrible.
“Blake Montpetit, the co-owner of Tiffany Sports Lounge in St. Paul, says he plans to cook a 180-pound black bear in a pig-roaster over hickory and charcoal on Sunday.”—
This Is Unlikely to Be Aired During the NFC Championship. The Bear was shot in Wisconsin by Montpetit’s cousin, so it’s still fair game for Packers fans to do this. Cincinnati fans are allowed to order Skyline Chili to any bar nationwide, and Packer fans are allowed to kill, dress and pig-roast opposing mascots so long as said mascot was caught within the borders of Wisconsin of the upper peninsula of Michigan. (H/T @drewmagary)