90 percent of people in their studies don’t know how to use CTRL/Command + F.
That’s according to a search anthropologist at Google. What does “Control F” do? Let me Google that for you. What’s Google? Oh man, you people really are hopeless. Don’t tell you’re reading this post on Internet Explorer.

-DM

[The Atlantic]
The bug, for its part, “does not wish to live in us,” says Schaffner, and the likelihood of it doing so and causing infection is “about 1 in 10 million.”
Remember that brain-eating amoeba we told you about earlier this week? Well turns out it probably WON’T eat your brain. Apparently it only eats brains if it HAS to, which is comforting, or if you swim in stagnant waters or do a cannonball. I guess I won’t be staging my annual high dive splash contest at the local peat bog. Seriously though, I STILL LIVE IN FEAR.

-DM

[Jen Doll]

The Burger King Is No More.  The Burger King mascot, haunting your dreams ever since ad agency Crispin Porter Bogusky introduced it eight years ago, is being tabled by the fast food giant in favor of ads consisting of nothing but close-ups of their food and on-screen supers (such ads are known as “foopers” in the ad world). This seems like a wild overcorrection. Isn’t there a new ad campaign that’s more interesting than foopers but won’t make me want to jump off a balcony?

-DM

[buzzfeed]

‘Cyberbullying’ Now An Official Word. So is ‘retweet’ and ‘sexting’ (thanks, Anthony Weiner?) The Concise Oxford English Dictionary has added 400 new entries of slang into it’s big list of words. They include the above, as well as:

  • Mankini
  • Jeggings
  • OMG

I look forward to the future, when nobody ever makes any sense.

-KH

[TIMEthe20newyork]

What Do Jello Pops, the McRib, And Bill Nye Have In Common? They were all featured in the #iwishtheywouldbringback Twitter trending topic, the perfect salve for our nostalgia-adoring culture. Allow me to add the following to that list.

• PB Max

• “It’s Your Move”

• Hendrix

• The “SI Presents” NFL preview 

-DM

[Buzzfeed]

Robert Redford is 25!  And look at that mustache/sideburns combination. Back in Redford’s day, you could rock that combination without a trace of irony and women would ADORE you for it.  Oh, how I long for the days when men were men and Robert Redford made movies that were good instead of movies like “The Last Castle.”

-DM

[life]

I get so many of them. I like ‘Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.’ Just little odd lines.
That’s actor John Goodman talking with Vulture about the quotes he gets from “Big Lebowski” fans. (See footage of the movie’s cast reunion here.) Goodman likes the more obscure quotes, as do I. Like these:

• “Well, there isn’t a literal connection, Dude.”

• “Wonderful woman. We’re all, we’re all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.”

• “For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.”

-DM

[Buzzfeed]

"Gwyneth Paltrow Saved a Life on Sept. 11" That’s a real headline from the website of People magazine. And how did Paltrow save this life, you might ask? Ah well, she nearly hit a jaywalker with her Mercedes, and the ensuing incident caused the jaywalker to miss her train to work in the World Trade Center that would have gotten her there before the plane’s hit. If only more celebrities cared enough to nearly run over people with their SUVs, the world would be a better place.

-DM

[Uproxx]

"Best Sitcom Theme Songs In History" List Shockingly Bereft 

Michael Musto did a list of the best sitcom theme songs in history, and apparently Michael Musto has never watched TV because he missed the following entries:

  • "Cheers"
  • "Diff’rent Strokes"
  • "It’s Garry Shandling’s Show"
  • "Growing Pains"
  • "Family Ties"
  • "The Facts of Life"
  • "Friends"
  • "The Beverly Hillbillies"
  • "Mr. Ed"
  • "The Flintstones"
  • "The Jetsons"
  • "Louie"
  • "Three’s Company"

AND “Welcome Back Kotter,” which is the best of the bunch.  Shame on you, Musto.  SHAME ON YOU. 

-DM

[villagevoice]

The Onion’s prevalence over real news outlets on Twitter, even when it comes to real news, has become something of a norm. This week,The Onion welcomed its 3 millionth follower on Twitter. That’s about 300,000 more than Time, three times more than The Economist and 1.6 million more than Newsweek.
The folks at Mashable have done a brief exploration into why The Onion has amassed a much larger following on Twitter than several legitimate news outlets. And I imagine the number one reason why is because all you need from The Onion is the headline. It’s much less stressful than having to click through and read an actual news article.

-DM

[Brian Ries]
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