The 20s • Don’t: Unless you are a family of four, and plan...

“ Don’t: Unless you are a family of four, and plan to travel under an umbrella as such, along with all of your worldly goods, do not buy a family-of-four-sized golf umbrella and use it on the streets of Manhattan, or even in the outer boroughs. Do not get such an umbrella at your office picnic for free and think, because it’s free, you can use it to proclaim to your fellow pedestrians that you own the space underneath it, because you do not, unless you are very, very tall and other pedestrians can move underneath your umbrella freely with their own large-size umbrellas. And even in that case, be careful: These umbrellas engender hatred among city-dwelling humans, who will rise up and smite you.
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That’s Village Voice writer Jen Doll outlining one of many rules for using an umbrella in New York City, and as someone who has been firmly anti-umbrella his whole life, I applaud these rules. Bumping into someone with your stupid golf umbrella and spilling five gallons of runoff onto them should get you twelve years in prison.

-DM

[Jen Doll]